


Oh, Burn!

by gerardsjuarez



Category: The Used
Genre: Inanimate Object Porn, Light Masochism, Other, bert is gross in this, rip to a perfectly good cup of blueberry tea, you’ll find out - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:28:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26264212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gerardsjuarez/pseuds/gerardsjuarez
Summary: Jepha’s got a pretty intense obsession with tea.
Relationships: Jepha Howard/Tea
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	Oh, Burn!

**Author's Note:**

> this is purely a joke and i blame ALL my twitter mutuals for it. i’m sorry about the scene with bert at the end i really am

Jepha stared at the cup of tea and thought, this was a bad idea. Like, he’s had other bad ideas before but they usually ended up on youtube with stunt dummies and his band’s music playing behind it. But this was alone, by himself, no one else around. Quinn was on the bus somewhere but he was dead fucking asleep. The kid never moved as long as you didn’t provoke him. 

Jesus, Quinn was the last thing he should be thinking about. 

The tea was unsweetened, hot, and black. It smelled like it had a hint of blueberry in it and it probably tasted good. But the idea that was brewing had nothing to do with actually drinking the tea. He took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair. He felt hot all over and maybe, maybe someone would call it being fucking horny. But he didn’t want to believe it. He wanted to put his fucking dick in the tea. 

And, well the idea seemed harmless enough.

The guys said they’d be back pretty late and Jepha really had nothing else to do... before he could really think any further about it, he shut his eyes tight and unzipped his pants. He was, unfortunately, sporting a semi and when he felt the warmth of the tea on his dick, it didn’t take long for him to become fully hard. 

He couldn’t exactly fuck the tea, it was a liquid. But he was just standing in the kitchenette, dick out and hard, so he thought fast. He dipped the head of his dick into the tea and bit back a gasp. It was scalding. Hot in a dangerous kind of way and yet, it made him go all breathless and shaky. He started stroking what wasn’t in the cup slowly, feeling like he was being set on fire through his fucking cock. It was stupid how close he was already. He put as much of his dick in the cup as he could, unable to hold back the hiss that slipped out of his mouth. It was still so very fucking hot. In more ways than one. 

Either his dick was small or the cup was bigger than he thought because he was balls deep into the tea and loving every second of it. When he tipped the cup slightly just so the tea touched his balls for a second, his body suddenly went cold all over and then so hot it hurt, cumming into the cup of tea. 

When he calmed down, he pulled his dick out, horrified, and in an intense amount of pain. He panicked and grabbed his now soft dick in his hand and made his way over to the bunks. Quinn was awake now, he could tell just by his breathing.

“Dude?” He asked the open air.

Quinn groaned.

“Dude, I think I burnt my dick.”

He pushed aside the curtain and immediately covered his eyes, “Jeph! You could’ve told me your cock was out!”

“What do you think ‘I burnt my dick’ means, Quinn!?” Jepha scoffed and tried not to shy away when he uncovered his eyes.

Quinn’s face was blank before it really, really wasn’t, “Dude... I don’t think it’s supposed to look that red while it’s soft.”

“Shit.” He said.

Quinn and Jepha froze when the door to the bus opened and in popped Dan and Bert. Jeph didn’t know if he should stay facing away from them or face them so he just stayed still and hoped Quinn could lie his way out of it like he did most of the time. Instead, though, what ensued was much, much worse.

“Hey...” Dan stopped right in his tracks, “Not that I care but what the fuck?”

“Yeah, what the fuck?” Bert asked, sounding a lot angrier than Dan, “Quinn?”

Shit. Quinn.

“Bert, this-“

Jepha turned around holding his dick.

He watched both Dan and Bert look down at his dick with different levels of discomfort and concern. He felt hot all over again but not in a fun way this time. Bert just kinda stared while Dan seemed to move on a little too quickly for Jepha’s liking.

“Did you burn your dick?” He asked and crossed his arms.

Jepha nodded, wincing, “I think so.” 

“I’m not gonna ask how but you should put something cold on it.” He nodded towards the kitchenette and Bert’s eyes followed, “Should be an ice pack in there. It’s mine for my arms though, dude, so use a towel or something.”

“I don’t need to ask how you burnt it.” Bert said and Jepha turned cold when he started walking to where the cup of tea was still sitting. He picked it up, “This your tea?”

“Yeah. Blueberry.” He said unnecessarily.

“Hmm.” Bert said even more so, “How’d you burn your dick, Jepha?”

“I though you said-“

Bert shrugged, “I wanna hear you say it. Plus, I’m getting awful thirsty.”

He started moving the cup to his lips and Jepha knew he was going to have to admit it. He didn’t want Bert to fucking drink the cum tea in order for him to know. 

“Stop!” He moved forward and huffed, gently tucking himself back in his jeans.

Bert watched, “Why? What’s wrong with the tea?”

“I put my dick in it.” Jepha mumbled.

“What?” Dan said.

“I put my dick it in! Alright! Jesus.” He rubbed his hands over his face, “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“The fuck, Jeph?” Quinn said, fully out of his bunk now.

“I-I’m asking myself the same thing, trust me.” He shifted awkwardly. His dick hurt.

“That’s so fucked.” Bert said and he watched in horror as he lifted the cup to his mouth and took a drink.

“Bert,” Quinn said.

“What? Think of it as creamer.” He sat the cup down on the counter again, “Should we take you into the ER again?”

He nodded, “It hurts so fucking bad.”

“You know, eventually word is gonna get around that you keep putting your dick in weird places with how many times I’ve had to take you to the ER.” Bert commented.

“Shut the fuck up.” He groaned.

Dan spoke behind them, “Not to stop you taking him to the ER but you drank fucking spunk tea, McCracken.”

For whatever reason that made Bert cackle, “Spunk tea! It’s like when you put salt in it instead of sugar.”

“Fuck, that’s disgusting.” Quinn shuddered.

“That’s not what you said last night.” Bert winked at him and Jepha was seriously over them.

“Look, you can make Quinn jack off into a cup later, I feel like one of those roman statues. Y’know the ones where their dicks got chopped off by this one dude? I read it online.” He shook his head, met with blank faces, “Bert, ER, now.”

“Yeah, whatever, Blueberry Dick. Come on.” He chuckled and waved at the others, leading him off of the bus. When they got off, he called over some chick carrying a stack of papers, “Hey, you seen Brian? Jepha burnt himself again.”


End file.
